Why choosing Your Hard can be Hard!

Today, we’re diving into a topic that’s quite controversial—”Choose Your Hard.” This quote, from an unknown author, suggests that life will always be hard, but we have the power to choose our hard. Leadership is no exception, with its challenges and tough decisions, but making mindful choices can lead us to a more fulfilling and effective path.

The idea behind “Choose Your Hard” isn’t to challenge us but to make us more conscious of the choices we face. It’s about making decisions that support our goals, and as a leader, this principle can be incredibly useful. It’s crucial to first identify your goals; otherwise, discerning which “hard” is right for you becomes much more difficult. 

Take today, for example. It was hard for me to get up at 6 AM to re-record a podcast that went completely awry yesterday. However, it would have been even harder for me to run around at 10 PM trying to meet a deadline. It was also tough to muster the motivation to make a nutritious breakfast instead of reaching for homemade bread with butter and jam. Still, it would have been harder to manage the energy crash later in the morning while recording.

Let’s bring this into a typical work scenario. It’s challenging to give feedback to a team member who isn’t performing well, but it’s even harder to deal with the repeated mistakes that follow. Saying no to a meeting with your boss can be tough, but knowing you could have spent your time more efficiently is harder. Coaching your team to think independently is hard, but them becoming dependent on you for every decision is even more draining.

Choosing your hard is about evaluating your choices in light of your goals. It’s about sacrificing short-term ease for long-term gain. Immediate gratification often comes at the expense of future hardships. For example, in the short term, it might be easier to avoid giving feedback or coaching your team, but in the long term, you’re setting yourself up for more difficult situations, like poor team performance during appraisals.

It’s essential to use this concept with caution. No judgment, but rather compassion and focus on awareness. Many clients tell me they don’t have time to coach or give feedback, but often it’s an issue of priorities rather than time. Avoiding these tasks tends to trap us in a cycle of self-perpetuating difficulties, and by dodging the discomfort now, we attract more of what we want to avoid.

Psychologically, humans seek immediate pleasure and avoid pain due to our survival instincts. This makes it easier to ignore the hard thing staring us in the face right now. However, in leadership, doing what’s hard but necessary often reaps long-term rewards. For example, coaching your team improves their development and performance, and giving feedback demonstrates that you care about their growth.

Even personal challenges, like working out consistently, follow a similar pattern. It’s usually harder to get back into a routine after a break, but the rewards always outweigh the initial discomfort. The same applies to leadership tasks. Imagine your future self benefiting from the hard work you’re putting in now, and let that vision drive you.

Try this exercise: for the next week, jot down your thoughts during internal debates about doing something beneficial for your leadership. It could be more coaching conversations, giving feedback, or saying no to inefficient meetings. Seeing your thoughts on paper can be liberating and can help you recognize patterns and themes. Over time, you can challenge and reframe these thoughts, leading to better decisions and actions.

Remember, thoughts are just that—thoughts. They aren’t who you are. By becoming aware of them, you can master them rather than let them control you. A well-managed mind is more likely to choose and accomplish hard tasks that serve the greater good. So, choose your hard wisely and do it with compassion and curiosity. If you would like to listen to the podcast episode The Power of Choosing Your Hard, go here.